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Couple counseling is supposed to be an opportunity for both partners to meet in a neutral location and work through some of the issues that have been bothering one or both of them. If approached with an open mind and willing heart it is a chance to establish a new foundation on which to build a productive and meaningful future together. However, if one or both parties comes to the counseling session with a specific agenda (say to change one or more of the other’s perceived weaknesses) or is simply going through the motions couple counseling is unlikely to produce much more than frustration.

Counterproductive Behaviour during Couple Counseling in Toronto

In order to get to uncover and deal with the source of friction in a relationship both parties need to be present and emotionally accounted for. However, any one of the following behaviours is often enough to derail couple counseling in Toronto and they should be avoided at all cost.

• Pointing fingers – “He’s the one with the problem.” “She never shuts up.” Just rehashing the standard complaints isn’t likely to do anything but feed the fire of anger and resentment. Instead of trying to “win” by forcing your partner to accept blame and absolve you a better approach is to talk about how certain behaviours make you feel.
• Name calling – Words are powerful things and once an insult or put down has departed your lips there is no way to un-say it. While your partner may ultimately forgive you the sting will always be present on some level. There are some occasions where silence really is golden and no more so than when you decide to say nothing rather than say something you’ll regret.
• Interrupting your partner – Counseling is an opportunity for both partners to talk about their feelings while they search for accommodation. None of this is possible if one person is constantly interrupting the other. Reconciliation rests on a foundation of mutual respect. Not letting the other person finish is not the way to build that respect.
• Not listening – Some people do not know how to have a conversation, and that’s often a big part of the problem. Instead of listening to what their partner is saying they simply wait for their partner’s mouth to stop moving so they can continue. Listening is a skill that pays dividends in all aspects of our life and the counseling office is a good place to cultivate that skill.
• Looking at your watch or smartphone – As stated earlier reconciliation is built on a foundation of mutual respect. If one party is constantly checking their watch or smartphone it indicates they respect neither the process nor their partner. If you have gone to the trouble of making it to the counseling session turn your phone off and try some of that listening mentioned above.

Couple counseling in Toronto can help repair the bonds between people, resolve long-standing conflicts and provide valuable insight into our behaviour. Learn more about how it can help you by calling Esther Benbihy on 647-295-5935.

A successful marriage is one that never stops defining itself. This is because circumstances change, jobs change, family dynamics change and people change. If a marriage is to transcend all the various pitfalls and roadblocks of life both partners need to be willing to embrace change while never losing sight of the things that drew them together in the first place. That’s a lot to ask. In fact sometimes it’s a can become a bit too much. In those instances marriage counseling in Toronto can be of invaluable assistance in sorting things out and helping you achieve perspective.

Marriage Counseling Toronto: Some Common Techniques

Some marriage counselors specialize in a single therapeutic technique while others employ a variety of techniques. In either case it will likely require of bit of evaluation in order to determine which technique is best for your specific case. That said, the following are some of the most common and effective marriage counseling techniques employed today:

• Communication counseling – Most broken relationships can trace the point when things started to come apart to the point when the two parties stopped communicating. This lack of communication often has a trigger, some event which occurred to one of the partners that they did not feel comfortable talking about for whatever reason. Once the practice of withholding was set in motion it became the norm rather than the exception. With communication counseling couples are re-introduced to the value of communication and taught new techniques for broaching subjects they might have held back on in the past.
• Conflict resolution therapy – Couples who argue frequently often lose perspective and the ability to see things clearly. Valid issues that might otherwise be easily dealt with get lost in the blizzard of bad feelings and recriminations that stem from the constant fighting. For couples like this conflict resolution therapy can be invaluable. With this type of therapy the counselor aims to uncover the root cause of the conflict, develop a plan for dealing with that root cause and provide the couple with tools to help prevent future conflicts.
• Intimacy or attachment therapy – It’s not uncommon for couples to drift apart over time. Other considerations take precedence over intimacy and an emotional void develops. In time they no longer trust the emotional attachment that was at one point the mortar that held them together. In such cases attachment therapy can help in re-establishing those emotional bridges by encouraging the partners to discuss their most private feelings. It’s the type of thing that happens naturally when a couple are just coming together and this type of therapy uses it as a way to reawaken communication and repair emotional bonds damaged by neglect.

If you are in search of marriage counseling in Toronto it’s important that you determine the type of therapy that will likely be most effective for your specific situation. Call Esther Benbihy on 647-295-5935 to schedule an appointment and learn more about the different marriage counseling techniques available to Toronto couples.

Managing to avoid arguments and remain happy in a committed relationship can be quite a challenge for any couple that stays together, but for those who have a tendency to sabotage their own relationships, it can be almost impossible. If you think that you might be causing problems for yourself in your relationships, take a look at the tips below,  and see if you can adjust your behaviour in the future. With a little perseverance, you may be able to solve a lot of your own personal relationship issues without any professional assistance.

Our Relationship Therapist in Toronto Speaks About Self Sabotage

If you find yourself indulging in any of the negative behaviours and thought patterns listed below, try to stop for a minute and assess the situation objectively. With practice, you may be able to curb your self-sabotaging tendencies and enjoy a happier home life.

• Making Everything About You – It can be very difficult to avoid taking your partner’s actions personally, especially if they hurt your feelings, but in most cases this will certainly not have been their intention. If, for example, your partner seems to be prioritizing their career over your relationship, this is probably because they are under pressure at work and not because they are losing interest in you. Try to look at their actions objectively and see things from their perspective.

• Not Allowing Your Partner the Opportunity to Have Their Say – Whether you are having a disagreement about something you have done that your partner is not happy with or something that your partner has done that you are not happy with, it is important not to try to shout them down and impose your point of view on them. Even if you are sure that you are in the right, give them the chance to have their say in a calm environment. Your primary goal should be to reconcile your differences, not to prove that you are right, which takes us neatly to the final tip from our relationship therapist in Toronto.

• Expecting Your Partner to Share All Your Opinions – When we first start a new relationship, we delight in the many qualities that make our partners unique but once we live together for a period of time, some of these differences may start to annoy us. The trick to avoiding this situation is to accept that everybody is different and to focus on the feelings you had when you first met your partner: continue to revel in their uniqueness, their quirky little ways, and do not expect them to agree with everything you say or want to do.

If you have tried to stop your negative behaviour patterns but still find yourself sabotaging your own relationships, do not be afraid to ask for help. Our relationship therapist in Toronto can almost certainly help you to overcome your problems.

Many men and women find couples therapy in Toronto to be enormously helpful as far as fixing short-term and long-term problems with relationships, but if you are not sure whether you need to consult a couples therapist yet, there are a number of things you can try for yourself. Some of them may be more effective than others, depending on the precise nature of the problems you are experiencing, but they are all worth trying if you value your relationship and would like to get it back on track.

Advice from an Expert on Couples Therapy in Toronto

We have put together a few suggestions that any couples that are having problems may wish to try at home. If none of these suggestions help, we recommend making an appointment with a qualified couples counsellor at the earliest possible opportunity.

1. Take the Initiative – One of the biggest stumbling blocks for couples who have been arguing for a long time is finding a way to stop the war of words and to start talking. It may not work for everybody but what you can try to do is to make a decision to stop arguing, leaving your partner with the choice of continuing a one-sided disagreement or sitting down and having a conversation.
2. Analyse Your Behaviour – If you are able to spot the warning signs that indicate an argument is imminent, you can retreat from the situation and avoid conflict whenever necessary. While this is not a long-term fix, it can make it easier to reconcile in the future, perhaps with the help of couples therapy in Toronto if you can make the time to attend regular sessions.
3. Express Your Feelings – Couples can often find common ground when they are open about the way that they feel, especially with regard to how they feel about each other in a positive way. However, if this is the very issue that is causing arguments, a course of couples therapy in Toronto, led by an experienced therapist, is probably a better option to pursue in the first instance.
4. Use a Self-Help Book – There are plenty of good books available that delve into the nature of relationship problems: working your way through one of the better publications could be beneficial to both you and your partner.
5. Tackle a New Enjoyable Project Together – This can be a make or break option so think carefully before trying it but some couples find they are able to work through their differences by working together on a new challenge.
6. Invite Your Partner to Choose a Therapist – If your husband or wife is reluctant to start couples therapy in Toronto because they think you are trying to force them into following a path on which they are not keen, ask them to choose a therapist for you to visit. This will help them to feel in control and alleviate any trust issues.

If you would like to speak to an experienced couples therapist about your relationship, please feel free to call and make an appointment whenever convenient.

Relationship therapy in Toronto is a viable option for couples who are experiencing challenges and it can solve many seemingly intractable problems but unfortunately, a sizeable percentage of people are reluctant to try it. Thanks to a number of myths that have arisen over the years, some couples view relationship therapy as either a last resort that is doomed to failure or a type of psycho-mumbo-jumbo that was invented as a way to make money. If you have hesitated to ask for professional help in the past because you have been taken in by some of the myths floating around, allow us to dispel them for you.

Some of the More Common Myths about Relationship Therapy in Toronto

Below are some of the most commonly heard myths about relationship therapy, along with an explanation of why they are untrue.

• Digging Up the Past Is Unhelpful – Going over old arguments and bones of contention may well be an unhelpful approach to tackling serious relationship issues but examining events you have both lived through can be very therapeutic. By gaining an understanding of how your partner feels about certain issues and why they feel that way, you can begin to put your relationship back together again.
• Only Couples Who Are Sure to Break Up Try Therapy – Some couples just don’t think their problems are serious enough to warrant seeking professional guidance. The best time for you to start a course of relationship therapy in Toronto is when you are still very much in love with your partner but you have noticed a few warning signs. As with most things in life, dealing with problems as soon as they arise is the best solution for couples who begin to experience issues.
• Once You Start, You Will Never Stop – A large number of people believe that once you start any kind of therapy, you will never stop. While some people may find comfort in forming a long-term relationship with a psychotherapist and seek to continue sessions for many years, this does not need to be the case as far as relationship counselling is concerned. A good therapist will work with you to set clear goals at the beginning and encourage you to stop once these goals have been achieved.
• Relationship Issues Are Private and Should Be Dealt with at Home – While it is, of course, true that your relationship and any problems you may be experiencing are a private matter between you and your partner, this does not mean that you should avoid seeking assistance from outside if you are unable to make progress by yourselves. Some couples find it almost impossible to be calm and rational at home and need a neutral environment with a professional therapist on hand in order to resolve their issues.

If you would like to find out whether relationship therapy in Toronto is a good choice for you, please feel free to call and speak to us at any time.