Esther Benbihy

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4 Reasons To Re-Assess Your Work Life Balance

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4 reasons to reassess your work life balanceWe all have to work, but we also all have to live. So where does that balance happen? Work life balance is often discussed because it is just so hard to find. If you’re struggling in life, it might be a sign you need to re-assess your work life balance.

Life isn’t fun

No, life isn’t all fun and games, but try to be present and enjoy it. Do you have enough time to get outside, play, and partake in pleasurable activities? Or are you too exhausted to go out? When life becomes all about working for the weekend, but then you’re too tired on the weekend, then it’s definitely time to re-assess your work life balance.

Not enough sleep

Sleep is important but when we need more time in the day it’s often the first to be cut. But without sleep, you simply can’t function. Over time everything will begin to deteriorate, whether it’s your own happiness, your relationships, or your work productivity. Sleep should rarely be compromised. Map out how much time you need and if that’s not possible in your current set up, then it may be time to re-think your lifestyle.

Forgetting friends

As we get older, we tend to have fewer friends in our life. Our interests change, our schedules become busier, we have more commitments, or we move away. But having friends in your life is essential. Socializing is good for us. It provides us an opportunity to laugh, be physically active, or participate in common interests.

You don’t need a large group of friends who are constantly socializing. You just need a few constants in your life. People you can turn too during good and bad times. Friends can also shake things up and move you out of your comfort zone. You can also engage in conversations or friendly debates with friends where you are intellectually stimulated.

Deteriorating relationship

If you’re in a relationship and don’t have time for the other person, are you actually in a relationship? At some point, you need to make the decision if it is working or not. Re-assessing your work life balance means deciding to make time for your partner.

A relationship is an investment. If you continually draw from it, there will soon be nothing left to support it. Time withdrawal happens all the time, and if you find yourself spending less and less time with your partner, then something needs to change. Take a look at how much time is spent working and see what can be changed. Balance can exist, as long as you prioritize and work on it.

3 Ideas To Help You Manage Stress

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3 ideas to help you manage stressStress is an evitable emotion and one that is healthy, too. Stress helps us cope with situations and work through problems. But too much stress can lead to distress. If stress rules your life, then it can become difficult to enjoy your life and your relationships. If you find yourself experiencing distress, these tips can help you manage stress.

Be mindful

When stress takes over our life it is hard to see what is around us. Thoughts are usually about the future and not the present. You can think in terms of action and not experience. Mindfulness can be the antidote to stress. Mindfulness seeks for us to live in the present and be aware of what we are experiencing.

If you are eating dinner, your focus is on dinner. Not on what needs to be done right after, certainly not on your phone, and not on all the other issues currently in your life. Instead, think about the taste and texture of what you are eating. Connect with how the food was prepared. If you are eating with someone else, focus on what they are saying and really listen. Try not to think about what you will say next, but be present and engaged.

Be active

Time after time the advice to be active is given as a way to manage stress. This advice is there because it works. You don’t need to hit the gym every night to be active. It can be as simple as taking a walk around the block. The fact is that the more active you are, the better your body functions. You are giving your mind the opportunity to focus solely on your body. You become aware of what you can accomplish.

Being active also allows your body to sort itself out. Digestion is improved and powerful chemicals are regulated. The hardest part of being active is often the initial part. But if you can get off the couch and put on some running shoes, the rest will be easier.

Seek help

Sometimes, no matter what we try, it’s too hard to manage stress on our own. And this is when it’s time to ask for help. There’s no shame in asking for help. It doesn’t mean that you can’t do something. On the contrary; it means that you know you can do something as long as you have the support of someone else.

We would never admonish a baby for needing help to eat. Instead, we gladly step in and help them until they are able to properly grasp a spoon. We teach children the skills they need to help themselves, and the same exists for adults. So when stress overtakes your life, remember that there are so many people ready to help you take control back. Seek support from a family member or friend and if necessary, schedule an appointment with a regulated mental health therapist.

Find Out Why The Couple That Plays Together Stays Together

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find out why the couple that plays together stays togetherHave you ever seen a couple that looks like they really like each other? Not just that they’re committed or solid, but that they really like to hang out with each other? And have you then wondered, just what is their secret? While all people are different, the couple that plays together can seem to just generally be a lot happier.

Organized Play

Playing together through an organized sport is an amazing way to strengthen your bond with your partner. When you play together you are bonding and creating another layer to your relationship. You suddenly have a common goal that you need to work together to achieve. You can practice together and help the other improve. You can be the cheerleader that celebrates when the other triumphs.

Organized play also forces you to make the time with your partner. Life can get pretty busy and there are far too many excuses to not go out. You’re tired, you had to work late, it’s raining. If there is no pressure for you to make the time to be together, too often you can find yourself spending less and less quality time together.

Joining an organized team means that you have entered into a social contract and now you need to show up. Other people are counting on you. As a result, the game night becomes part of your regular schedule and you plan around it. You have now prioritized the play and by extension time with your partner.

Free play

Organized play is an important element of a relationship, but so is spontaneous play time. Life can’t be serious all the time. It’s essential that you stop and smell the roses with your partner, or better yet, be a bit silly. In the fall, grab a pile of leaves and start a leaf fight. You’re never too old. In the summer, head to the beach and build a giant sandcastle. Grab a ball or frisbee and play catch in the backyard.

You may think that life is too busy for these moments, but the reality is that these are just moments. Whether it is five or 10 minutes after dinner, or a quick detour after work, free play doesn’t need to take up a lot of time or money.

The trick to free play is recognizing when an opportunity arises. Then, take it right away. You can say that you’ll do something fun tomorrow, but your relationship shouldn’t be put off until the next day. The more you incorporate fun moments into your life, the more natural they will become.

Where to start

If you’re ready to start having more fun with your partner, now’s the time to start. Discuss where your common interests lie and find a group activity to join. At the same time, start finding small moments in the day to engage in a bit of silliness. And don’t be surprised if you find yourself really enjoying your new moments with your partner.

5 Reasons To Choose Couples Therapy

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5 reasons to choose couples therapyIf you had to rate how well your relationship with your partner is working out, what would that number be? And what would your partner say? Do you think that number warrants couples therapy? The somewhat surprising answer is that no matter how you would rate your relationship, therapy still might be the path forward.

Check-in

You keep meaning to talk to your partner about your relationship, but something keeps getting in the way. Scheduling couples therapy promotes having a series of conversations. Hopefully, these conversations will reaffirm your commitment with each other and demonstrate that you’re both on the same page. However, there may be unexpected issues that arise. Whatever the case, it’s important to make the time to invest in and work on your relationship.

A little shakeup

Sometimes, no matter how solid a relationship is, a little shakeup is needed. The same routines can be familiar, but are they exciting? Is there still passion in your relationship? Talking with a couples therapist can allow you to probe new feelings and see if subtle changes can be made.

Outside perspective

Are you having the same argument over and over again? You sort of make an effort to resolve the issue, but in a few month’s time, the same issue pops up again. If you keep trying to solve the same problem by doing the same thing, you’re not going to get very far.

Instead, couples therapy can help you move beyond feeling stuck. Perhaps there’s a whole other issue that needs to be resolved? Maybe there’s an easy solution right in front of you, but you’re both too close to the problem to really see it. Whatever the case may be, couples therapy will help you work together to find an acceptable resolution.

Mediation

In professional fights, there needs to be a referee. The same goes for couples when they argue. Time outs need to be called, rules need to be enforced, and a fair fight has to be established. Couples therapy offers the referee to your arguments. It won’t award points or declare a winner, but it will help shape the parameters and ensure that both people have the opportunity to be heard and understood. Teamwork is a lot more rewarding than a dirty fight.

Look to the future

More than anything, an investment in couples therapy means that you want there to be a future. If there are issues, you’re willing to work at them. The first step in scheduling a couples therapy session is often the hardest step. But the commitment to working together is commendable. You are saying that there is hope for the future!

How To End The Silent Treatment

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how to end the silent treatmentIf you have nothing nice to say, don’t say anything at all. These are good words to live by, at times, but in a relationship, they can be taken to the extreme. The silent treatment may have started as a cooling off period, but if it escalates for too long, it can be quite a problem. Here are a few suggestions to end the silent treatment.

Organize your thoughts

It can be hard to know just why you’re mad at someone in the middle of an argument. You might be trying to explain it to yourself, but if you can’t quite understand the connections yourself, how is your partner supposed to understand? Take the opportunity of not speaking with your partner to try to make those connections.

Are you actually mad that they didn’t do the dishes, or is it because you feel you take on too many of the household chores? Connect the dots between thoughts and actions so that you can raise the real issues with your partner. It may help to write a few ideas down in order to better understand yourself.

Think about your partner

Yes, your feelings need to be taken into consideration, but you are in this together. Why is your partner upset? What are they reacting to? Are they merely being silent because you are? A little bit of empathy can help put the argument into perspective.

Say I’m Sorry

So often the silent treatment can end with two simple words. Saying I’m sorry doesn’t mean that the fault is completely on you. It merely says that you are genuinely sorry you’re in this situation. Maybe you’re sorry for the role you played. Maybe you’re sorry you haven’t found the words to communicate properly.

There is no weakness in being the first person to say I’m sorry. Rather, it takes courage and shows a willingness to stop the fight and start a conversation. And chances are, your partner will be willing to apologize, too.

Discuss how to change the future

Having another argument is inevitable. There’s no sense promising to never argue again. But take the time to work out how the silent treatment began in the first place. Then, discuss how to avoid it in the future. Maybe you set a time limit to the cooling-off period to do the above followed by a check-in with each other, if not a resolution.

Most of all, take the time to reaffirm that you want to remain in a relationship together and love one another. If you know that you want to work together and keep going, then you have something to fight for.