Esther Benbihy

working together

Find Out Why The Couple That Plays Together Stays Together

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find out why the couple that plays together stays togetherHave you ever seen a couple that looks like they really like each other? Not just that they’re committed or solid, but that they really like to hang out with each other? And have you then wondered, just what is their secret? While all people are different, the couple that plays together can seem to just generally be a lot happier.

Organized Play

Playing together through an organized sport is an amazing way to strengthen your bond with your partner. When you play together you are bonding and creating another layer to your relationship. You suddenly have a common goal that you need to work together to achieve. You can practice together and help the other improve. You can be the cheerleader that celebrates when the other triumphs.

Organized play also forces you to make the time with your partner. Life can get pretty busy and there are far too many excuses to not go out. You’re tired, you had to work late, it’s raining. If there is no pressure for you to make the time to be together, too often you can find yourself spending less and less quality time together.

Joining an organized team means that you have entered into a social contract and now you need to show up. Other people are counting on you. As a result, the game night becomes part of your regular schedule and you plan around it. You have now prioritized the play and by extension time with your partner.

Free play

Organized play is an important element of a relationship, but so is spontaneous play time. Life can’t be serious all the time. It’s essential that you stop and smell the roses with your partner, or better yet, be a bit silly. In the fall, grab a pile of leaves and start a leaf fight. You’re never too old. In the summer, head to the beach and build a giant sandcastle. Grab a ball or frisbee and play catch in the backyard.

You may think that life is too busy for these moments, but the reality is that these are just moments. Whether it is five or 10 minutes after dinner, or a quick detour after work, free play doesn’t need to take up a lot of time or money.

The trick to free play is recognizing when an opportunity arises. Then, take it right away. You can say that you’ll do something fun tomorrow, but your relationship shouldn’t be put off until the next day. The more you incorporate fun moments into your life, the more natural they will become.

Where to start

If you’re ready to start having more fun with your partner, now’s the time to start. Discuss where your common interests lie and find a group activity to join. At the same time, start finding small moments in the day to engage in a bit of silliness. And don’t be surprised if you find yourself really enjoying your new moments with your partner.

How To Go Beyond Compromise In A Relationship

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how to go beyond compromise in a relationshipYou want something. Your partner wants something else. So, you decide to compromise. Everyone wins, right? Or, does everyone actually lose? We’ve been drilled into this belief that compromise is the way to go to make everyone happy, but is there another way to resolve issues? It sometimes takes a bit of effort and creative thinking, but it is possible to go beyond compromise in a relationship.

For Example

Most couples rely on a date night to ensure that they make time for each other. Knowing that every Friday or Saturday night you will take time out of your busy life and spend it with your loved one is a great idea. Even better if you have kids and you have a standing babysitter appointment. But date night can quickly turn into the dreaded, what should we actually do?

Maybe one person has ideas of a paint night at the winery. Maybe the other person envisions watching the latest superhero movie at the theatre. Neither really wants to do what the other has proposed, so the solution is to compromise. You’ll alternate each week, with the hope that maybe, even though neither person has shown any previous interest in the activity, that they will actually enjoy it. You can do this some of the time, but how about trying something new?

Beyond Compromise

How about a different idea? Try something completely new for both of you. This can take time to agree upon, but that’s ok as it’s just another opportunity to practice positive communication. But, eventually, come up with an activity or hobby that both of you will want to participate in. You could join an adult recreation sports league. Or enrol in a couples cooking class. Maybe ballroom dancing. It doesn’t actually matter what you decide on. The point is that you can start a new journey together.

Something To Talk About

Having shared experiences is important, especially if you’ve been in a relationship for a long time. If you find that your conversations normally gravitate towards what your kids have been doing, or what’s for dinner, then maybe it’s time to mix things up a bit. A new hobby can give your conversation new life. You can share your progress together and be each other’s support. You might also open up your circle of friends which is also an important part of a healthy relationship.

Be Creative

When you compromise with someone, you’re only looking at the two options currently presented. It’s easy to be focused on what’s in front of you and hard to think about other alternatives. Going beyond compromise can take time. You have to really talk things through and listen to each other. It’s not always easy to come up with a third, alternative option, but it is worth it. Don’t settle for being half happy. Instead, do your best to be wholly happy.