You want something. Your partner wants something else. So, you decide to compromise. Everyone wins, right? Or, does everyone actually lose? We’ve been drilled into this belief that compromise is the way to go to make everyone happy, but is there another way to resolve issues? It sometimes takes a bit of effort and creative thinking, but it is possible to go beyond compromise in a relationship.
For Example
Most couples rely on a date night to ensure that they make time for each other. Knowing that every Friday or Saturday night you will take time out of your busy life and spend it with your loved one is a great idea. Even better if you have kids and you have a standing babysitter appointment. But date night can quickly turn into the dreaded, what should we actually do?
Maybe one person has ideas of a paint night at the winery. Maybe the other person envisions watching the latest superhero movie at the theatre. Neither really wants to do what the other has proposed, so the solution is to compromise. You’ll alternate each week, with the hope that maybe, even though neither person has shown any previous interest in the activity, that they will actually enjoy it. You can do this some of the time, but how about trying something new?
Beyond Compromise
How about a different idea? Try something completely new for both of you. This can take time to agree upon, but that’s ok as it’s just another opportunity to practice positive communication. But, eventually, come up with an activity or hobby that both of you will want to participate in. You could join an adult recreation sports league. Or enrol in a couples cooking class. Maybe ballroom dancing. It doesn’t actually matter what you decide on. The point is that you can start a new journey together.
Something To Talk About
Having shared experiences is important, especially if you’ve been in a relationship for a long time. If you find that your conversations normally gravitate towards what your kids have been doing, or what’s for dinner, then maybe it’s time to mix things up a bit. A new hobby can give your conversation new life. You can share your progress together and be each other’s support. You might also open up your circle of friends which is also an important part of a healthy relationship.
Be Creative
When you compromise with someone, you’re only looking at the two options currently presented. It’s easy to be focused on what’s in front of you and hard to think about other alternatives. Going beyond compromise can take time. You have to really talk things through and listen to each other. It’s not always easy to come up with a third, alternative option, but it is worth it. Don’t settle for being half happy. Instead, do your best to be wholly happy.
