Esther Benbihy

arguments

How To End The Silent Treatment

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how to end the silent treatmentIf you have nothing nice to say, don’t say anything at all. These are good words to live by, at times, but in a relationship, they can be taken to the extreme. The silent treatment may have started as a cooling off period, but if it escalates for too long, it can be quite a problem. Here are a few suggestions to end the silent treatment.

Organize your thoughts

It can be hard to know just why you’re mad at someone in the middle of an argument. You might be trying to explain it to yourself, but if you can’t quite understand the connections yourself, how is your partner supposed to understand? Take the opportunity of not speaking with your partner to try to make those connections.

Are you actually mad that they didn’t do the dishes, or is it because you feel you take on too many of the household chores? Connect the dots between thoughts and actions so that you can raise the real issues with your partner. It may help to write a few ideas down in order to better understand yourself.

Think about your partner

Yes, your feelings need to be taken into consideration, but you are in this together. Why is your partner upset? What are they reacting to? Are they merely being silent because you are? A little bit of empathy can help put the argument into perspective.

Say I’m Sorry

So often the silent treatment can end with two simple words. Saying I’m sorry doesn’t mean that the fault is completely on you. It merely says that you are genuinely sorry you’re in this situation. Maybe you’re sorry for the role you played. Maybe you’re sorry you haven’t found the words to communicate properly.

There is no weakness in being the first person to say I’m sorry. Rather, it takes courage and shows a willingness to stop the fight and start a conversation. And chances are, your partner will be willing to apologize, too.

Discuss how to change the future

Having another argument is inevitable. There’s no sense promising to never argue again. But take the time to work out how the silent treatment began in the first place. Then, discuss how to avoid it in the future. Maybe you set a time limit to the cooling-off period to do the above followed by a check-in with each other, if not a resolution.

Most of all, take the time to reaffirm that you want to remain in a relationship together and love one another. If you know that you want to work together and keep going, then you have something to fight for.

How To Go Beyond Compromise In A Relationship

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how to go beyond compromise in a relationshipYou want something. Your partner wants something else. So, you decide to compromise. Everyone wins, right? Or, does everyone actually lose? We’ve been drilled into this belief that compromise is the way to go to make everyone happy, but is there another way to resolve issues? It sometimes takes a bit of effort and creative thinking, but it is possible to go beyond compromise in a relationship.

For Example

Most couples rely on a date night to ensure that they make time for each other. Knowing that every Friday or Saturday night you will take time out of your busy life and spend it with your loved one is a great idea. Even better if you have kids and you have a standing babysitter appointment. But date night can quickly turn into the dreaded, what should we actually do?

Maybe one person has ideas of a paint night at the winery. Maybe the other person envisions watching the latest superhero movie at the theatre. Neither really wants to do what the other has proposed, so the solution is to compromise. You’ll alternate each week, with the hope that maybe, even though neither person has shown any previous interest in the activity, that they will actually enjoy it. You can do this some of the time, but how about trying something new?

Beyond Compromise

How about a different idea? Try something completely new for both of you. This can take time to agree upon, but that’s ok as it’s just another opportunity to practice positive communication. But, eventually, come up with an activity or hobby that both of you will want to participate in. You could join an adult recreation sports league. Or enrol in a couples cooking class. Maybe ballroom dancing. It doesn’t actually matter what you decide on. The point is that you can start a new journey together.

Something To Talk About

Having shared experiences is important, especially if you’ve been in a relationship for a long time. If you find that your conversations normally gravitate towards what your kids have been doing, or what’s for dinner, then maybe it’s time to mix things up a bit. A new hobby can give your conversation new life. You can share your progress together and be each other’s support. You might also open up your circle of friends which is also an important part of a healthy relationship.

Be Creative

When you compromise with someone, you’re only looking at the two options currently presented. It’s easy to be focused on what’s in front of you and hard to think about other alternatives. Going beyond compromise can take time. You have to really talk things through and listen to each other. It’s not always easy to come up with a third, alternative option, but it is worth it. Don’t settle for being half happy. Instead, do your best to be wholly happy.