Esther Benbihy

Marriage Counseling

What Are the 5 Love Languages? Part 1

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What Are the 5 Love Languages? Part 1

Communication is a vitally important part of any successful relationship. However, communication isn’t just discussing your feelings. A lot of the most important communication is nonverbal. That communication is how we express our love to one and other. The thing is, we don’t all speak the same love language. There are 5 primary love languages and we’d like to explain how they work so that you and your partner can communicate your love effectively.

Importance

The reason love languages are so important is because, if you don’t know how to speak or read a love language that isn’t your own, you may not know how to communicate your love to your partner in a way they understand. You might also be missing signals that they love you back! If someone spoke to you in a foreign language, you wouldn’t be able to understand what they’re telling you no matter how much energy they put into speaking to you. The same goes for the 5 primary love languages:

Physical Touch

If physical touch is your love language, you feel loved when your partner gives you a warm hug. Holding hands may fill you with softness and a gentle kiss might fill you with butterflies. Sex is also very important to many with a physical touch love language. It’s a way of communicating how well your partner knows you and wants to be near you intimately.

Words of Affirmation

If words of affirmation is your love language, you feel loved when your partner tells you how beautiful you are. You feel appreciated when your partner tells you how smart it was of you to pack a lunch for your walk in the park. The things that make you feel seen and loved by your partner are the words used to compliment and affirm that they recognize your value as a person.

Quality Time

If quality time is your love language, you feel loved when your partner asks to watch a movie with you. If movies aren’t your thing, it might be board games or reading together or going for a walk. You just know that it fills your heart with joy when your partner wants to do something together. Their desire to spend time with you says it all.

Gift Giving

Gift giving isn’t all about monetary value. If gift giving is your love language, you feel loved when your partner gives you things. It isn’t necessarily about the pricetag, it’s the thought that counts. To know that your partner saw something and thought of you makes you feel remembered and loved. If they put the time into making you something, you might be overwhelmed with the thought and time that went into their gift.

Acts of Service

If acts of service are your love language, you feel loved when your partner is willing to do something for you. When your partner remembers you’re out of water while they’re in the kitchen and return with a fresh glass, you feel noticed. They’ve been paying attention to your needs. If your partner does the dishes without being asked or picks up those groceries you needed on their way home, you feel loved and cared for.

Now that you know the 5 primary love languages, it’s time you learn what to do with them. Stick around for Part 2. You can even contact us if you’re interested in couple’s therapy.

How to Reconnect with Your Long-Time Partner

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How to Reconnect with Your Long-Time Partner

An age-old problem is that of feeling disconnected with a partner you’ve been with for a long time. With this problem comes a slew of theories about how to fix it. The fact of the matter is, a lot of people are way off the mark for how to fix this. The professionals at Esther Benbihy are here today to let you in on how you can get to the root of the problem and reconnect with your long-time partner.

Stoking the Fire

While one of the most common solutions to reconnecting is to rekindle your sex life, this isn’t actually a solution. If you and your partner are struggling to connect like you used to, having sex is a bandaid. Sex is a great addition when paired with a real solution. However, by itself, having sex if you and your partner are having relationship problems can actually do more harm than good. It’s easy to wish that something as simple as sex could fix everything. However, the truth is, you might have to put in a little more work than just showing up.

Building Trust

The reason why having sex isn’t a cure-all is because to have sex with a long-time partner, you really need to have a strong bond of trust between you. If your relationship has been strained or damaged in any way, having sex can actually highlight the lack of trust and connection in your relationship, leaving both of you feeling even worse. So, how do you get started on actually reconnecting with your long-time partner?

Look for Flags

The first thing you need to do to facilitate reconnection is to look for flags in your relationship. Are there things your partner has been saying bother them for years? It’s time to take those things seriously. The little things that don’t seem very big can often add up to create distance between us. If your partner is bothered by you leaving your dishes in the sink for them to take care of, start rinsing them off and putting them in the dishwasher. If your partner likes to keep lights off when they’re not being used and is bothered by you leaving them on, take the time to become more energy conscious.

The thing is, these little things that your partner cares about are a part of who they are. When you ignore these things, even if they seem little to you, it communicates that you’re unwilling to compromise. It communicates to them that they’re not worth the effort to you. If you want to really begin to reconnect, you need to figure out what these things are and make an effort to do better by your partner. These little things are ways for you to communicate your love. When you’ve done that and successfully reconnected, that’s when sex can be a real help in healing your relationship.

How to Spot Flags

Finding the things that you can do to communicate your love to your partner can be kind of tricky. That’s because there is no one size fits all. Everyone is different in how they send and receive signals of love. We at Esther Benbihy highly recommend taking a look at the book The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman. Or, if you’re patient and don’t have much time for books, check back in next month. In our next article, we’ll dive into the 5 love languages and what they’re all about.

Give us a call if you’re in need of relationship therapy. We’re even accepting over-the-phone clients to encourage social distancing during the COVID-19 emergency. Being stuck in quarantine is a great time to reconnect with your long-time partner.