Esther Benbihy

Dating

Do Long Distance Relationships Work?

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Do Long Distance Relationships Work?

There has been some hot debate about whether long distance relationships work for many years now. With the rising popularity of the internet came the rise in online dating. So, let’s take a closer look at what long distance relationships really entail before we come to any hard and fast conclusions.

The Cornerstones of Relationship Longevity

To begin, we must ask ourselves, what is it that a relationship needs in order to last? Regardless of how one communicates and interacts with their partner, they need a few vital things. Let’s talk about what those things are and how they translate into something long distance… and if they even can!

Plans for the Future

The first thing is the most important, by far. If you want your relationship to last into the future, you must have plans for the future. Going into a relationship and hoping it will sort itself out is a recipe for disaster. Within the first 6 months to a year of being with someone, officially, there are conversations that need to happen. Do you plan to have kids? Get married? Will one or both of you work to support yourselves? How about settling down versus traveling?

Any long distance relationship with easy access to communication can successfully do these things. What makes long distance relationships a bit different from in-person ones is that they come with some extra planning steps. Most notably, you and your partner will have to determine who is moving where, if either of you is up for moving at all. If both of you aren’t interested in keeping things long distance forever, one of you will inevitably have to move. If you can sort out where you’ll be living together, as well as all of those other planning steps, things are looking up.

Communication

Next up is communication. Any relationship needs to have open, honest, and vulnerable communication. However, to make long distance relationships work, you have to consider some kinds of communication that aren’t necessary or that are done differently in person.

For example, there are many things that in-person couples can learn by show, rather than tell. When you and your partner are living far away from each other, you’ll have to break the ice on some of these things before meeting. This will help avoid any unwanted and unpleasant surprises.

Some things that your partner can use to get a better picture of you, without meeting you in person, are:

  • Cleaning habits (both personal and housekeeping)
  • Shoes on or off indoors
  • Food preferences
  • Driving manner
  • Organizational style

Physical Contact and Sex

One of the things that makes so many people certain you can’t make long distance relationships work is the matter of physical contact and sex. However, there is a lot to learn in this regard.

The first thing to consider is that physical contact is important to a lot of people. You don’t have to be indifferent to physical contact to get into an ldr. In fact, not everyone intends to get into a long distance relationship. With the amount of communication online, it’s just that easy to meet someone you click with by accident. In these cases, both parties will have to find ways to overcome the distance.

The first thing is making sure you have a physical support network outside of your long-distance partner. Physical contact is important for mental and physical health, so getting hugs from friends and family can make up for that lack of touch in your romantic life.

The second thing is sex. Many people believe that the sex lives of those in long distance relationships suffer. However, there’s quite a lot you can learn about long distance relationships and sex. Read more about that here.

Do Long Distance Relationships Work?

The conclusive answer is: long distance relationships work just as well as in-person ones. As a matter of fact, statistically, there are many ways they’re superior. When couples who started out long distance first move in together, it can be quite the adjustment. If you need someone to talk to and help you iron out the wrinkles in your relationship, Esther Benbihy is here to help. Give us a call to schedule a session today.

Date Ideas to Start the New Year Off Right

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Date Ideas to Start the New Year Off Right

If you and your partner are looking to make the new year a rekindling of your romance, start the new year off right with a date. Even better is getting a little support from couple’s counseling. However, before getting serious, let’s talk date ideas that will give you a romantic start to the rest of your 2021.

Social Distancing Date Ideas

Because COVID-19 is far from over, it’s important that New Year’s date ideas incorporate social distancing and safety. Because of that, we’ve collected a number of date ideas that can be enjoyed with everyone’s safety in mind.

Personal Fireworks Show

Are you and your date a fan of fireworks? There’s no need to go to crowded hotspots or downtown events to see them. There are bound to be people setting off their own collection and you can see them from a safe distance.

Taking a walk in your favorite park would give you and your date time to talk about your hopes and dreams for the new year. Plus, you can talk with a backdrop of beautiful colors across the sky.

Candlelit Dinner

Having a romantic dinner at home can be exactly the kind of rekindling a couple needs. It’s a classic date idea, with the potential to go anywhere. You can even approach it from two different angles.

Acts of Service

One of you cooking dinner and serving it formally may be the perfect date if you or your partner likes to be wooed by the other doing things for them. It’s a great way to say, ‘I know your food preferences, I want you to have a good time, and you don’t have to lift a finger.’

Quality Time

If you and your partner prefer spending time together over formality, cooking dinner together can be even more romantic. If you’ve been together a long time, it’s important to go into this with the intention of having fun, not achieving perfection or doing things ‘the right way.’

Playful Snow Date

If you and your date are a playful couple, a date that encourages that can be fantastic. This is especially true for couples who have been together for a while. If you and your partner were filled with playful energy at the beginning of your relationship, and the passing time has stifled that, rekindle your younger side with a playful snow date.

This kind of date is flexible. You can have it in the yard after a nice candlelit dinner at home. You can take a drive out to the local park. Where you find your snow is up to you. The important part is that you can both freeze yourselves, playing in the cold. Afterwards, you can both curl up together, in dry clothes, to get warm.

A date playing in the snow together can be:

  • Sledding – a perfect activity for 2
  • Building snowmen
  • Making snow angels
  • Attempting to build an igloo together
  • A classic snowball fight

It’s bound to be good fun, no matter which ones you can cross off the list when you’re through.

How to Reconnect with Your Long-Time Partner

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How to Reconnect with Your Long-Time Partner

An age-old problem is that of feeling disconnected with a partner you’ve been with for a long time. With this problem comes a slew of theories about how to fix it. The fact of the matter is, a lot of people are way off the mark for how to fix this. The professionals at Esther Benbihy are here today to let you in on how you can get to the root of the problem and reconnect with your long-time partner.

Stoking the Fire

While one of the most common solutions to reconnecting is to rekindle your sex life, this isn’t actually a solution. If you and your partner are struggling to connect like you used to, having sex is a bandaid. Sex is a great addition when paired with a real solution. However, by itself, having sex if you and your partner are having relationship problems can actually do more harm than good. It’s easy to wish that something as simple as sex could fix everything. However, the truth is, you might have to put in a little more work than just showing up.

Building Trust

The reason why having sex isn’t a cure-all is because to have sex with a long-time partner, you really need to have a strong bond of trust between you. If your relationship has been strained or damaged in any way, having sex can actually highlight the lack of trust and connection in your relationship, leaving both of you feeling even worse. So, how do you get started on actually reconnecting with your long-time partner?

Look for Flags

The first thing you need to do to facilitate reconnection is to look for flags in your relationship. Are there things your partner has been saying bother them for years? It’s time to take those things seriously. The little things that don’t seem very big can often add up to create distance between us. If your partner is bothered by you leaving your dishes in the sink for them to take care of, start rinsing them off and putting them in the dishwasher. If your partner likes to keep lights off when they’re not being used and is bothered by you leaving them on, take the time to become more energy conscious.

The thing is, these little things that your partner cares about are a part of who they are. When you ignore these things, even if they seem little to you, it communicates that you’re unwilling to compromise. It communicates to them that they’re not worth the effort to you. If you want to really begin to reconnect, you need to figure out what these things are and make an effort to do better by your partner. These little things are ways for you to communicate your love. When you’ve done that and successfully reconnected, that’s when sex can be a real help in healing your relationship.

How to Spot Flags

Finding the things that you can do to communicate your love to your partner can be kind of tricky. That’s because there is no one size fits all. Everyone is different in how they send and receive signals of love. We at Esther Benbihy highly recommend taking a look at the book The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman. Or, if you’re patient and don’t have much time for books, check back in next month. In our next article, we’ll dive into the 5 love languages and what they’re all about.

Give us a call if you’re in need of relationship therapy. We’re even accepting over-the-phone clients to encourage social distancing during the COVID-19 emergency. Being stuck in quarantine is a great time to reconnect with your long-time partner.