An age-old problem is that of feeling disconnected with a partner you’ve been with for a long time. With this problem comes a slew of theories about how to fix it. The fact of the matter is, a lot of people are way off the mark for how to fix this. The professionals at Esther Benbihy are here today to let you in on how you can get to the root of the problem and reconnect with your long-time partner.
Stoking the Fire
While one of the most common solutions to reconnecting is to rekindle your sex life, this isn’t actually a solution. If you and your partner are struggling to connect like you used to, having sex is a bandaid. Sex is a great addition when paired with a real solution. However, by itself, having sex if you and your partner are having relationship problems can actually do more harm than good. It’s easy to wish that something as simple as sex could fix everything. However, the truth is, you might have to put in a little more work than just showing up.
The reason why having sex isn’t a cure-all is because to have sex with a long-time partner, you really need to have a strong bond of trust between you. If your relationship has been strained or damaged in any way, having sex can actually highlight the lack of trust and connection in your relationship, leaving both of you feeling even worse. So, how do you get started on actually reconnecting with your long-time partner?
Look for Flags
The first thing you need to do to facilitate reconnection is to look for flags in your relationship. Are there things your partner has been saying bother them for years? It’s time to take those things seriously. The little things that don’t seem very big can often add up to create distance between us. If your partner is bothered by you leaving your dishes in the sink for them to take care of, start rinsing them off and putting them in the dishwasher. If your partner likes to keep lights off when they’re not being used and is bothered by you leaving them on, take the time to become more energy conscious.
The thing is, these little things that your partner cares about are a part of who they are. When you ignore these things, even if they seem little to you, it communicates that you’re unwilling to compromise. It communicates to them that they’re not worth the effort to you. If you want to really begin to reconnect, you need to figure out what these things are and make an effort to do better by your partner. These little things are ways for you to communicate your love. When you’ve done that and successfully reconnected, that’s when sex can be a real help in healing your relationship.
How to Spot Flags
Finding the things that you can do to communicate your love to your partner can be kind of tricky. That’s because there is no one size fits all. Everyone is different in how they send and receive signals of love. We at Esther Benbihy highly recommend taking a look at the book The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman. Or, if you’re patient and don’t have much time for books, check back in next month. In our next article, we’ll dive into the 5 love languages and what they’re all about.
Give us a call if you’re in need of relationship therapy. We’re even accepting over-the-phone clients to encourage social distancing during the COVID-19 emergency. Being stuck in quarantine is a great time to reconnect with your long-time partner.