Thank you for your patience and welcome to this month’s conclusion to last month’s question, “Is my relationship healthy?”
Let’s pick up where we left off – applying the foundational needs of a relationship from last month’s article to your relationship.
Is My Relationship Healthy?
Now, the question you’ve been waiting for the answer to. In order to find an answer when asking, “Is my relationship healthy?” you have to reflect on these core requirements for a healthy relationship.
In order to make that easier, let’s take a look at each element of a scenario that might take place in a healthy relationship.
The Conflict
- Partner A and Partner B have been looking for something romantic to do. They decided 2 weeks ago to have a candlelit dinner at home tonight, at 6.
- Partner B has misremembered and is under the mistaken impression that dinner is next week.
- Partner B works until 5pm and their workplace is 30 minutes from home. They have been meaning to pick up some boxes stored at a friend’s house and decide to drop by and get them on the way home. However, their friend’s house is a little out of the way.
- Partner B arrives at their friend’s house at 5:30pm, the opposite direction from home – which is now an hour away. Their friend is confused. “I thought you had some dinner to be at tonight? Isn’t that what Partner A said on Facebook?”
- Partner B is horrified at their mistake. Everyone makes mistakes – it’s only human.
The Resolution
- The important thing is that Partner B is considerate toward Partner A. They know that Partner A will be worried and hurt if Partner B just doesn’t show up. So, Partner B immediately calls them to let them know about their mistake, and that they will be late.
- Partner A is compassionate toward Partner B. Partner B doesn’t usually make these kinds of thoughtless mistakes and clearly feels very bad about it. Partner A tells Partner B that they’re not mad and that they can have a late dinner.
- Partner B makes the compromise to come and get the boxes later, as they’re in the attic and will take more than fifteen minutes to retrieve and load into the car. The time they wasted driving here will have to go to waste in order to make up for their mistake.
- When Partner B gets home, Partner A is waiting with the dinner they cooked. It’s been kept in the oven to keep it warm, and they have a nice dinner.
- Partner A hears that Partner B came home without the boxes. They think it would have been a better choice to just take another fifteen minutes, rather than waste the gas from the trip, but they respect that Partner B made the decision with their best interest in mind, and don’t mention it. They know that Partner B was being compassionate in hurrying home.
How Do You Compare?
This is a great example of how a healthy couple can handle an unfortunate situation. As you can see, both partners are looking out for each other’s best interest. While Partner B made a mistake, they were quick to rectify it. Next time, Partner A might be the one making a mistake. The important thing about a healthy relationship is making sure that, no matter the situation, you react to it with the four foundational pillars of a relationship in mind.
To answer the questions, “Is my relationship healthy?” you have to take situations like this into account. What would have happened if you were Partner A and your partner was Partner B? What about the other way around? Do you see differences in how Partner B or Partner A would be treated by the other when you and your partner switch places in those roles? If so, your relationship might not be very healthy.
Partners should treat each other equally, both extending 100% willingness to be compassionate, considerate, respectful, and to compromise fairly. If you aren’t seeing that balance in your relationship, it might be time to give us a call and schedule an appointment for relationship counseling. Everyone deserves a relationship where they feel safe. Let’s work toward that kind of relationship together.
