As you and your partner get into the swing of living together, there comes a kind of comfort and ease with your day. You learn what you’re both good at and what you can rely on each other for and a routine forms. However, as the years pass, you may find yourself getting so caught up in that routine that you forget how to make time for each other. If you’re having trouble finding time for your partner, it might be time to reevaluate how good that routine really is.
The first thing to figure out is why you and your partner don’t seem to have time for each other. There can be many reasons. Here are some of the most common ones. You:
- Work a lot and find yourself too tired to do anything when you’re done
- Both want to do different things and spend most of your free time away from each other
- Are constantly on the move from wake to sleep
Because each cause has a different set of solutions, knowing the cause is the first thing you have to figure out.
Plan for Change
When you’ve figured out what the cause of your distance is, the next step is planning for change. When you’ve gotten yourself stuck in a routine, it can be hard to actually make a change. It’s incredibly easy to start the change and then immediately slip back into how it was before. This happens a lot when people expect fast results and don’t get them. It also happens when people get fast results and then don’t feel motivated to continue because they got what they wanted in the short-term. It’s important not to let either of these become a reality for you.
If you want to successfully find time for your partner, you have to dedicate yourself. You have to accept that you’re making a long-term change. Most importantly, you have to pace yourself. Trying to make a huge change all of a sudden is going to lead to a fast burnout and immediate withdrawal from the change.
Remove the Shame
For a lot of people, realizing they’ve gotten themselves into a routine of ignoring their partner or prioritizing other things causes a lot of shame and regret. While feeling some regret is healthy, let’s take away the shame. Falling into a monotony with your partner is incredibly common and it’s easy to do. What matters is that you’re trying to make time for them again. So, buck up and try not to feel bad. Change and improvement is just around the corner!
When it comes to the previously mentioned causes, we have to find unique solutions for unique problems. Check out our next article to see how we approach change with each of these causes. If you can’t wait to get started, give us a call and schedule an appointment with Esther Benbihy. Getting couple’s therapy is a fantastic choice when finding time for your partner.