Communicating with your partner is hard work! It takes constant effort and a willingness to be honest. It’s difficult to know what another person is thinking, and if it’s been a while since you last had a meaningful conversation, a lot can be brought up. If you want to speak your truth to your partner, but aren’t sure how to get started, here are a few suggestions.
Communication versus Avoidance
When it comes to relationships, we often shy from speaking our truths because we don’t want to hurt the other person’s feelings. But that issue then never gets the opportunity to resolve itself. As a result, we tend to avoid either the action we don’t like, or even the person causing it. And the end result can be resentment or disappointment and potentially the end of the relationship. But isn’t that more hurtful than actually talking to your partner? The first step in being able to speak your truth to your partner is to think of your end game – a better relationship. Yes, feelings may get hurt initially, but if communication becomes more open and respectful, there is a possibility for resolution. If nothing gets said, will there still be hope for the relationship in the future?
Think about what your truth really is. Are you angry because your partner always leaves dirty socks around the house? Or are you frustrated because you spend more time on household chores than they do, and as a result, have less free time?
The more you can think about your feelings, the clearer they will come out in a conversation. It’s also a really good idea to write your thoughts down to better organize them. When you speak your truth with your partner, there are a lot of emotions. It can be hard to focus and remember what you wanted to say in the first place. Write down your thoughts to better make sense of them.
Ask for help
It’s hard to start communicating if you’re out of practice. Seek a neutral place and a therapist that can guide you through the process. This is especially important if you or your partner has a habit of listing a series of grievances or blames the other or is left feeling unheard and misunderstood. A therapist can act as a mediator and teach you effective communication skills. They can help focus the conversation on the issues at hand and make sure that each person has a turn.
You can try on your own, but if you realize that you’re not making any progress with your partner, but still want to work on your relationship, then a therapist can help lead to better understanding. There’s no shame in seeing a therapist. In fact, the opposite is true. It shows that you are willing to take the time to invest in your relationship and work together to make it better.