One of the hardest times in any relationship is one where you can’t seem to agree on anything. If you keep wondering, “Why do me and my partner keep arguing?” you’ll be happy to hear that there are a few likely answers. Let’s take a look at what those could be.
For some of us, arguments pop up most often when we have different beliefs than our partners. This can come in the form of political beliefs, religious beliefs, or financial beliefs. These are all hot topics that people feel strongly about. Therefore, when a couple disagrees with each other about them, it can easily lead to arguments.
Moreover, because our beliefs are so central to who we are, we may try expressing those beliefs openly with our partner. However, as someone being told about another set of beliefs, it can feel like you’re expected to change your own belief system. This can spiral into feelings of inadequacy, disrespect, lack of love, and so much more.
Another way that arguments can appear within a relationship is when one or both partners don’t respect the other. There are two primary kinds of respect – basic respect, which we should give to all people, and authoritative respect, which we give to people in power over us so that they treat us well. In a relationship, you should have basic respect, not authoritative respect. In general, one partner having authority over the other does not tend to end well, unless it’s a dynamic that both partners have seeked out of their own volition.
When a relationship lacks basic respect in one or both directions, it can lead to all kinds of arguments. The partner being disrespected can feel that the other does not respect them. This can lead to bitterness, resentment, and an inflexibility in communication. The disrespectful party is unable to communicate in a healthy manner because they do not see their partner as their equal in one or more ways. This creates a terrible cocktail of toxicity and miscommunication.
Even in relationships where both parties respect each other and have similar beliefs, arguments can become commonplace, simply because of unsuitable communication methods.
For some, being open about their feelings feels aggressive or unsafe, because it’s so direct. This is often because they are not familiar with the safe and healthy ways you can be direct with your feelings. For others, being indirect with their feelings seems passive aggressive and is the kind of thing you only do when you’re resentful or angry in secret.
It is very common for two people, one of each persuasion, to end up together. Because they both have fundamental misunderstandings about the way the other communicates, they end up arguing, believing their partner feels a way that they don’t, and so much more.
All of these causes for arguing can be solved with some help from a professional. By making an appointment with Esther Benbihy, you can begin to communicate more freely and comfortably with your partner. Solve problems before they spin out of control. Learn how to get a clearer understanding of a situation before it turns into an argument. It all starts here.